The Power of Pain
The body's natural response to pain is protection. Sometimes that looks like avoidance (taking my finger off the hot pan!). Sometimes that looks like fighting (smacking the mosquito nibbling on my tasty blood). Sometimes that means making plans (going to regular checkups after a heart attack). It is something we were made to do, and it is good. Leprosy is so devastating because it causes the inability to feel pain, and therefore a lack of protection from and response to harm. Without our ability to feel pain, we would not know we need to do anything to protect ourselves or heal our wounds.
This same process applies to emotional pain. Emotional pain is a physical response to outside events. This pain is felt as tightness in the chest, literal pain in stomach or chest, a fast heart rate, GI problems, headaches, lack of hunger, tears, sleeplessness. The pain is not some ethereal experience of emotions. It is anchored in the body as a warning response to harm. Again, this is a good thing, because if we did not feel it we would be oblivious to harmful circumstances, sin, relationships, thoughts and behaviors. These feelings are a sign that change is needed, that repair in relationships needs to happen, that past wounds need to be tended to, that something important has been lost.
All this is good. Unfortunately, we learn early on that a direct response to our pain is "bad." Don't tell someone they've hurt you... be strong... hide your need... just have faith... be content... your pain is evidence that something is wrong with YOU. The result of these lessons is emotional leprosy. Pain ceases to be a warning system that we listen to and becomes something to be ignored, overcome, hated or pathologized. We work so hard to not respond to the pain that we end up doing these really weird things like keeping our fingers on the flame, letting the mosquito continue to suck our blood, brushing off the pain in my chest, all the while, saying things like, "if I just had more faith it wouldn't hurt so bad" or "I just need to be stronger" or pretending the pain is not there. The reason these things don't work is that we are not ACTUALLY responding to the pain. We are trying to convince ourselves not to feel it so we end up avoiding dealing with the cause of the pain. Instead of saying, "hey, I'm really scared or hurting right now," we say, "I just need to have more faith" and never end up addressing the pain.
That sounds Biblical, right? Isn't that what we're supposed to do? Nope. Yes, God calls us to love, trust, hope and sacrifice, but honoring and comforting the pain in each other is a part of that process as well. Here are a few examples:
The Biblical model is that we are honest about our pain, see each other's pain, value the importance of it and respond to each other in that place with love, comfort, truth and reconciliation. This takes radical honesty. Not an honesty that says "I did this thing", but honesty that says, "I hurt this way, I fear this loss, I long for this need to be met." It is an honesty with ourselves, God and others. Only then can we address the cause of the pain: the relationship that needs to mend, the wound that needs to heal, the behavior (mine or of others) that needs to change. THAT is true sanctification. What if, instead of judging each other for the pain, we could embrace each other in it and walk alongside in the healing? I don't know about you, but that sounds pretty good to me. And that's what Jesus does for us too.
This same process applies to emotional pain. Emotional pain is a physical response to outside events. This pain is felt as tightness in the chest, literal pain in stomach or chest, a fast heart rate, GI problems, headaches, lack of hunger, tears, sleeplessness. The pain is not some ethereal experience of emotions. It is anchored in the body as a warning response to harm. Again, this is a good thing, because if we did not feel it we would be oblivious to harmful circumstances, sin, relationships, thoughts and behaviors. These feelings are a sign that change is needed, that repair in relationships needs to happen, that past wounds need to be tended to, that something important has been lost.
All this is good. Unfortunately, we learn early on that a direct response to our pain is "bad." Don't tell someone they've hurt you... be strong... hide your need... just have faith... be content... your pain is evidence that something is wrong with YOU. The result of these lessons is emotional leprosy. Pain ceases to be a warning system that we listen to and becomes something to be ignored, overcome, hated or pathologized. We work so hard to not respond to the pain that we end up doing these really weird things like keeping our fingers on the flame, letting the mosquito continue to suck our blood, brushing off the pain in my chest, all the while, saying things like, "if I just had more faith it wouldn't hurt so bad" or "I just need to be stronger" or pretending the pain is not there. The reason these things don't work is that we are not ACTUALLY responding to the pain. We are trying to convince ourselves not to feel it so we end up avoiding dealing with the cause of the pain. Instead of saying, "hey, I'm really scared or hurting right now," we say, "I just need to have more faith" and never end up addressing the pain.
That sounds Biblical, right? Isn't that what we're supposed to do? Nope. Yes, God calls us to love, trust, hope and sacrifice, but honoring and comforting the pain in each other is a part of that process as well. Here are a few examples:
Psalm 34:18 - The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
Psalm 69:20 - Scorn has broken my heart and has left me helpless; I looked for sympathy, but there was none, for comforters, but I found none.
Matthew 5:4 - Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4 - Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.
2 Corinthians 7:5-13 - For when we came into Macedonia, we had no rest, but we were harassed at every turn—conflicts on the outside, fears within. 6 But God, who comforts the downcast, comforted us by the coming of Titus, 7 and not only by his coming but also by the comfort you had given him. He told us about your longing for me, your deep sorrow, your ardent concern for me, so that my joy was greater than ever.
Psalm 69:20 - Scorn has broken my heart and has left me helpless; I looked for sympathy, but there was none, for comforters, but I found none.
Matthew 5:4 - Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4 - Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.
2 Corinthians 7:5-13 - For when we came into Macedonia, we had no rest, but we were harassed at every turn—conflicts on the outside, fears within. 6 But God, who comforts the downcast, comforted us by the coming of Titus, 7 and not only by his coming but also by the comfort you had given him. He told us about your longing for me, your deep sorrow, your ardent concern for me, so that my joy was greater than ever.
8 Even if I caused you sorrow by my letter, I do not regret it. Though I did regret it—I see that my letter hurt you, but only for a little while— 9 yet now I am happy, not because you were made sorry, but because your sorrow led you to repentance. For you became sorrowful as God intended and so were not harmed in any way by us. 10 Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. 11 See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern, what readiness to see justice done. At every point you have proved yourselves to be innocent in this matter. 12 So even though I wrote to you, it was neither on account of the one who did the wrong nor on account of the injured party, but rather that before God you could see for yourselves how devoted to us you are. 13 By all this we are encouraged.
James 5: 13-16 - Is anyone among you in trouble? Let them pray. Is anyone happy? Let them sing songs of praise. 14 Is anyone among you sick? Let them call the elders of the church to pray over them and anoint them with oil in the name of the Lord. 15 And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise them up. If they have sinned, they will be forgiven. 16 Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.
The Biblical model is that we are honest about our pain, see each other's pain, value the importance of it and respond to each other in that place with love, comfort, truth and reconciliation. This takes radical honesty. Not an honesty that says "I did this thing", but honesty that says, "I hurt this way, I fear this loss, I long for this need to be met." It is an honesty with ourselves, God and others. Only then can we address the cause of the pain: the relationship that needs to mend, the wound that needs to heal, the behavior (mine or of others) that needs to change. THAT is true sanctification. What if, instead of judging each other for the pain, we could embrace each other in it and walk alongside in the healing? I don't know about you, but that sounds pretty good to me. And that's what Jesus does for us too.
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