Repurposed

 Right in the middle of the dramatic story of the beginning of the church, on the verge of being stoned, persecution all around, Stephen pauses to tell the story of Israel in the light of the Gospel to those imprisoning him.  It was within this story that Jesus spoke to me today and gave me some sweet reminders of how He sees the big picture and my place in it.  If you'd like to read along, it is Acts 7: 1-29.

After some disappointments this year I think I have gone into a bit of a turtle shell, focusing on my pup, my house, my family and basically saying, "screw you world, I'm done." On one hand, this is good because I have been learning at a deeper level who I am in Jesus and how he sees me even when I am not accomplishing "impressive" things for the kingdom.  In a way, this is how I have been healing, staying in the ICU for a while I guess.  Covid makes that a bit easier too. ;o)  On the other hand, I know I can't stay here forever.  That's just not what Jesus has for me or who I am.  

As Stephen tells the story of Israel I was struck by how he tells Moses' personal journey.  It is clear that Moses was set apart from birth, saved from the murder of Israelite babies by Egypt, and raised among leaders.  But have you ever noticed that Moses never even really discovered his passion and calling until he was 40 years old?  For the first time when he was 40 he decided to go check on his people!  There is so much pressure in our society to be well on your way in your career and calling by the time you are 40.  Otherwise, it kindof seems like a waste of life.  At least that's the pressure I feel!  But here we see God's chosen leader for Israel not even dabbling in his calling until 40 years old!  What this tells me, is that even if God has called me to something and has plans for that, he may not show that to me or even put it on my heart until well into the future.  There may be paths yet that I have never even considered.  

Next we see what Moses does with that newly discovered passion and vision... He botches it!!! His newfound passion for defending his people leads him to murder a man.  He didn't exactly stop to hear and discern God's direction for this calling. If he had would he have listened?  Would he have been willing to wait another 40 years?  Because that's what happened.  

After Moses murdered a man, he went back THE NEXT DAY and tried to mediate a fight between two Israelites. This guy was burning to get 'er done!

"But the man who was mistreating the other pushed Moses aside and said, ‘Who made you ruler and judge over us? 28 Are you thinking of killing me as you killed the Egyptian yesterday?’[e] 29 When Moses heard this, he fled to Midian, where he settled as a foreigner and had two sons."  

If that were me, I would have assumed the journey was over.  Done and done.  I murdered a man, was rejected by the people I was trying to help, ran away, got married, had babies, got old.  Done. 

In God's vision it was different.  In God's picture, Moses' mission was not done.  It just was not the time yet.  For 40 more years! In a way, the rejection of the Israelite that led Moses to run away and give up, was God saying, "It's not time yet.  If you keep pushing you'll screw this up."  

Finally, when Moses was 80 years old, God said, "It's time."  It's finally time to live out this passion and calling I've placed in your heart.  Did that mean Moses failed the previous 80 years to be who God called him to be and failed to fulfill the mission God gave him? No way.  

For some reason, God needed Moses to wait for 80 years until He allowed him to free Israel from Egypt.  This was not failure.  This was providence.  How many times in your life has what you believed God's will for you was, his vision, his mission, failed?  Maybe you are in the in-between desert time with Moses.  God does not give vision and mission in vain, but sometimes he says, "not yet" or "not this way," and we go to the desert, have babies, and wait.  Or maybe we don't have babies, and we just wait.  Either way, it appeared the vision and mission was lost.  What appears to be lost is just being held in God's hands for when the time is right.

The other part that stood out to me today was this:

35 “This is the same Moses they had rejected with the words, ‘Who made you ruler and judge?’ He was sent to be their ruler and deliverer by God himself, through the angel who appeared to him in the bush. 36 He led them out of Egypt and performed wonders and signs in Egypt, at the Red Sea and for forty years in the wilderness."

Ah... those words are like medicine to my soul.  ONLY God decides our destiny and identity.  Even when we have been rejected before, God will set us apart for the plans He has for us.  No one else decides that!  Only God tells us when to take up our leadership and when to lay it down.  Even when others say we have no right or "disqualify" us from God's mission, God will lead us to the path He has for us and for His kingdom. Sometimes we have to wait though... like Moses, for 40 years in the desert.  Sometimes rejection and failure send us to a providential desert. 

What did Moses do in those 40 years?  He just lived!  He got married, worked, had a family, grew in wisdom, became a man.  Who knows what God's purpose for Moses was in that, but Moses did not miss his calling.  Of course, when God did tell him it was time, Moses had to work through all kinds of wounds and insecurities from his previous failures and rejections.  In his younger years, 22 "Moses was educated in all the wisdom of the Egyptians and was powerful in speech and action."  But when Moses encounters the burning bush, he has all kinds of excuses about why he shouldn't lead.  I believe that shame and feelings of failure set in to tell him lies about who he was.  Disqualified, unqualified, poor in speech, not enough... God used even the failure and shame.  Moses was now able to move forward in God's mission fully reliant on Him rather than confident only in himself.  Even our failures can be repurposed for God's mission and for our healing.  Never let your past or your desert tell you you have failed and lost God's purpose for you.  Nothing is lost from God's hands.  

Who are the voices in your past that have said, "Who made you ruler and judge?"  Are you still in the desert?  What is the vision He gave you before you entered the desert?  Have you given up?  Keep your eyes on Jesus, let Him use the desert to train you, heal you, love you.  Get ready for that burning bush and let Him remind you who you are.