Jumping Into Fear
"'Here now is the man who did not make God his stronghold but trusted in his great wealth and grew strong by destroying others!' But I...trust in God's unfailing love for ever and ever... and I will hope in your name, for your name is good." Psalm 52:7-9
I look down the side of the mountain and see the thousand foot (or more) drop below. I look up into his eyes to see if he's solid. To see if he sees me and is sure of himself. If I let go right now I will die. I hope he's got me, because if he doesn't, I'm toast. The jump is small, but the fall is a really long ways down...
That kind of trust requires a level of risk and resolve we don't often think about or experience. Today as I read about David's resolve to let go of the world's ways of reaching success and to trust instead in God's provision and love, I found myself pondering what is required to have that kind of trust. It's not just a feeling. It is about focusing our fear.
David was a king. He had many experiences of seeing other leaders rely on deceit, violence, wealth and power to gain safety and success. He describes these people saying, "[he] did not make God his stronghold, but trusted in his great wealth and grew strong by destroying others." As we face risk, whether it is emotional, positional or relational there is a positioning of our hearts about what we rely on to catch us. Relying on God or another person is much scarier than relying on ourselves or on tangible solutions. As I looked at that mountain gap I assessed that alone I would not be able to cross it. I would have felt much better building a bridge and testing it well, finding a way around, going down then coming up... but to jump across, relying on the person on the other side to catch me, to keep hold of me, to not let me go.. that is much scarier.
Destroying others is often an effective way to get ahead. Many people do it and attain great wealth and power. David here is saying, "I'm choosing to reject these other paths to security. I'm choosing risk. The risk of trusting that God loves me enough to catch me, to fulfill his purposes, to keep hold of my hand." In a way, I am choosing to allow the fear, to allow the risk, as I look into the eyes of the one who holds my life in his hand. I am choosing not to ignore, placate or shut down the fear. I am choosing to focus it on the one in whom I'm placing my trust. I am saying, "God, if you don't hold on to me here, I am toast, because I don't have what it takes without you." I am looking into his eyes as the fear grips my chest and saying, "I'm betting it all on you, and that is terrifying. Can you hold on to me here?" This is also the process of risking trust in relationships. If I trust you to catch me, will you let me down? Will you be there? In order to make the leap, our fear is placed in the hands of the one we are reaching for.
God is so gracious here. So often I sit on the other side of the gap in tears, frozen in terror, and Jesus gently reaches across, holds my hand and just waits. He waits for the fear to begin to turn back to him and to encounter his love again. "But I...trust in God's unfailing love for ever and ever... and I will hope in your name, for your name is good."
As someone behind me throws up the parachute and the wind picks us up I feel electricity going through my body. The thrill of excitement and the reality of the risk all at once. I hope he's got me, because if he doesn't, I'm toast. And off the side of the mountain we go... He seems calm. He just wants to make sure I'm not going to throw up. I didn't. We flew.
I look down the side of the mountain and see the thousand foot (or more) drop below. I look up into his eyes to see if he's solid. To see if he sees me and is sure of himself. If I let go right now I will die. I hope he's got me, because if he doesn't, I'm toast. The jump is small, but the fall is a really long ways down...
That kind of trust requires a level of risk and resolve we don't often think about or experience. Today as I read about David's resolve to let go of the world's ways of reaching success and to trust instead in God's provision and love, I found myself pondering what is required to have that kind of trust. It's not just a feeling. It is about focusing our fear.
David was a king. He had many experiences of seeing other leaders rely on deceit, violence, wealth and power to gain safety and success. He describes these people saying, "[he] did not make God his stronghold, but trusted in his great wealth and grew strong by destroying others." As we face risk, whether it is emotional, positional or relational there is a positioning of our hearts about what we rely on to catch us. Relying on God or another person is much scarier than relying on ourselves or on tangible solutions. As I looked at that mountain gap I assessed that alone I would not be able to cross it. I would have felt much better building a bridge and testing it well, finding a way around, going down then coming up... but to jump across, relying on the person on the other side to catch me, to keep hold of me, to not let me go.. that is much scarier.
Destroying others is often an effective way to get ahead. Many people do it and attain great wealth and power. David here is saying, "I'm choosing to reject these other paths to security. I'm choosing risk. The risk of trusting that God loves me enough to catch me, to fulfill his purposes, to keep hold of my hand." In a way, I am choosing to allow the fear, to allow the risk, as I look into the eyes of the one who holds my life in his hand. I am choosing not to ignore, placate or shut down the fear. I am choosing to focus it on the one in whom I'm placing my trust. I am saying, "God, if you don't hold on to me here, I am toast, because I don't have what it takes without you." I am looking into his eyes as the fear grips my chest and saying, "I'm betting it all on you, and that is terrifying. Can you hold on to me here?" This is also the process of risking trust in relationships. If I trust you to catch me, will you let me down? Will you be there? In order to make the leap, our fear is placed in the hands of the one we are reaching for.
God is so gracious here. So often I sit on the other side of the gap in tears, frozen in terror, and Jesus gently reaches across, holds my hand and just waits. He waits for the fear to begin to turn back to him and to encounter his love again. "But I...trust in God's unfailing love for ever and ever... and I will hope in your name, for your name is good."
As someone behind me throws up the parachute and the wind picks us up I feel electricity going through my body. The thrill of excitement and the reality of the risk all at once. I hope he's got me, because if he doesn't, I'm toast. And off the side of the mountain we go... He seems calm. He just wants to make sure I'm not going to throw up. I didn't. We flew.
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